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Showing posts from February, 2022

Returning to Craig after one year

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Over my spring break, I took the opportunity to go back to Craig hospital for my one-year visit. When I arrived I was gleaming with joy looking forward to the week’s plans and seeing my friends. Although when I entered the room on the first night of being back a different feeling washed over me.  I was immediately immersed into what seemed like a past life. Emotions resurfaced and things felt heavy, but oddly comforting. I had spent many hours in this room thinking about my new life. Wondering who I was, why this had happened to me, and what the rest of my life would look like.  On the first day of my visit, I met a new friend. In the brief moments I spent talking to him I learned about his hobbies, attitude, and uncertainty about the imminent future. It was like talking to myself 9 months ago before I went home for the first time. After meeting my new friend Matt I was full of life, I had returned home once again.  The second day was more emotional. I got to see many of ...

Paralysis limbo, grief

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When I was first injured I was told “You might never walk again”. What does that even mean? I would soon come to find out It meant I would need to use a wheelchair for the time being while I learned how to walk with paralyzed legs. The immediate losses like not being able to play soccer or run track for the rest of high school felt ok to grieve, but when it came to walking I felt conflicted. Is grieving my inability to walk giving up on walking again? How do you process a loss that isn’t complete?  I had to come up with a solution. I asked myself, “could I walk now?” No. “Will I be able to walk in the future?” Yes. I landed on “I can’t walk yet”. Coming to terms with the present while staying optimistic about the future is the only way to go.  There are still times when it is hard to decipher a negative voice from a feeling of grief. I have come to realize if it is a feeling of sadness at it is grief. If it is a voice in my head telling me something about the future it is not ...

Rejuvenation

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Over the past week, I have been feeling exhausted. Waves of grief have started to crash over me again. I’d been working for a number of weeks with the following idea in my head. If I can just get rid of everything that isn’t conducive to my two goals which are walking again and helping people I will be much better off.  Specifically, I started cutting things like hanging out with friends and socializing with new people. Things that brought me joy and rejuvenation. I was sure I didn’t need them to keep working hard and have a good attitude. I was wrong. These activities are crucial to my ability to be creative and persevere. They are conducive to my goals of walking again and helping people.  Why are they conducive? To discover this, I had to first feel what it was like without them. I am an extrovert, I get my energy from others. Without others, I have a hard time staying motivated to do things. Needless to say by isolating myself I felt drained. I have discovered that sociali...

I Will Walk Again

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                                                    Over the past year, I have battled with myself about what walking would look like for me in the future. I now know that of course I will walk functionally, but it will take everything I have to do so.  Recently I have been inspired by a certain individual named Brock Mealer. He suffered a spinal cord injury at close to the same level as me and had only minor feeling in his legs at the time of the accident. Same as me! Through the principles of neuroplasticity, Mike Barwis (a revolutionary physical therapist) helped Brock rewire his spinal cord by creating new neuropathways and strengthening existing pathways. Three years after his injury he walked with zero assistance. Here is his truly inspiring story. https://youtu.be/p4ClRg7m-x4   To rewire your brain or spinal cord using neuroplasticity you mu...