1 step back 2 steps forward


The last three weeks have gone by and honestly, I have felt unmotivated. I tried a dopamine detox two weeks in a row which seemed to have little effect. My physical therapists both coincidentally left at the same time for a couple of weeks, which was supposed to work out alright because I was going to get stem cells this week and go to Craig hospital in April, but the stem cell injection was postponed. I haven’t been sitting around doing nothing, but I certainly have been partaking in more leisurely activities. 


Recently when I wake up I’m surprised that I’m paralyzed. I have never felt this before. Maybe this is because at this time last year I was just starting to be independent and have more alone time. Although I feel like there is something bigger at play here than just the time of year. I have been making plans with people and about half of them work out. I don’t know if this is normal or if suddenly people are just more flakey. Maybe I’m focusing more on the bad than the good. 


That was written Saturday. Yesterday everything changed. I went into town, got a massage, swam in the therapy pool with my dad, and then my friend Zak came over again to do the podcast. I talked to people almost the whole day and it felt great! Yet again I have proven to myself that I need to be around people to get my energy! Today is Monday and I haven’t started any of my to-do list but I am confident I will check the whole thing off and be happy about doing it! 


In my talk with my massage therapist (while I was getting my massage) we came to the same conclusion about what we should do with our time and how to motivate ourselves. It all lies within the answer to one simple question. “What is the most important thing I could be doing right now?” For me, there are many things on this list but understanding why they are important and putting them in order is the key. 


All the things I felt unmotivated to do were lacking the most important aspect. Why? Why do I do therapy for 2 hours a day? So I can gain independence improve my physical health and inspire people along the way.  Why do I write this blog? Because it is a way to formulate my thoughts into ideas and document my life. Why do I do my school work? Because it is an investment in me and my ability to help people. It also demonstrates that I can make a commitment and follow through with others and with myself. Why do I wake up and think “I can't believe I’m paralyzed” It doesn’t matter. I’m still me. 


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